Todd Turner (00:03)
Hey there, and welcome back to the Unyoke Podcast, where we have real conversations for people walking through real pain, especially the kind that comes after a divorce. If you’re listening today, chances are you’re feeling a little unmoored. Maybe you’ve been trying to hold it together on the outside, but inside, it’s chaos, grief, anger, loneliness, and sometimes more questions than answered.

and sometime more questions and answers. I get it. I’ve lived it. Today, we’re going to talk about how to actually recover from divorce, not just survive it, but to find your footing again, emotionally, spiritually, and practically. I’ll walk with you through the seven struggles that almost everyone faces and share the same kind of tools and perspectives I teach inside my Unyoked Divorce Recovery course. This isn’t going to be a sales pitch, but if the course helps you.

Great. If this episode gives you a breath of hope on its own, even better. Either way, I’m glad you’re here. You know, a lot of you know that I worked with Insight for Living, the Bible teaching ministry with Chuck Swindoll. And one day his wife, Cynthia, a wonderful lady, she, she told me one day, I was like, makes Insight for Living different than other ministries? And she goes, well, many are just broadcast.

They just take teaching and they record it and put it out there. goes, Chuck and I always wanted to make sure we didn’t leave the baby at the doorstep. We didn’t just hand you God’s word and then walk away and good luck on your own. She goes, and we wanted it to be like a church, if you will, not technically, but we wanted it be a two-way street. Well, when I created this podcast, I really…

honestly was creating it because I wasn’t finding what I was looking for. And you can go back and listen to my original episode, which tells you sort of the why, but it was the people in the church world that were quote unquote, ministering to us hadn’t even walked the walk. And it was very Christian easy. You know, here’s what the Bible says about marriage and divorce. And it wasn’t practical about, you know, what you’re really going.

To walk down what roads were you really going to walk down? Where do the landmines? So when I created this podcast, I created 17 episodes. had thought long and hard about each one of those of speaking into those monumental times, post divorce, the things you’re dealing with, like you’re going to deal with the loss of friends. You’re going to deal with, um, you know, what are you going to deal with with sex? We’re going to talk about things you’ll never ever, ever hear from the pulpit.

Unless it’s with Bible verse that just says, here’s your Trump card, you know, sort of like, Hey, I’m anxious. Well, here’s the verse. Don’t be anxious. Now quit being anxious. Go away. Well, that’s not practical, right? Especially when you’re dealing with, you know, your life being turned upside down with a divorce. Well, I did have what I thought a pretty good job of identifying, speaking to, offering advice, and even just resonating with people. get told one of my episodes about losing friends.

I was told somebody gave that episode to all their friends. go, this guy put into words all the things I’m feeling and all the things that you’re saying that I’m not really relating with. So it was helpful in that way. But here we’re at the point now where I see that I’ve got to dig a little bit deeper in some areas. So I don’t have 17 ⁓ topics for today, but I do have seven because

I ended up creating a course and part of the reason I created the course is just like the podcast. It’s, I wasn’t finding it out there. ⁓ you know, I’m a big believer in counseling and I believe that everybody should be in counseling divorce or not, especially marriage counseling, even after you’re married. But I believe big into the power of the statement. Thoughts disentangle themselves over the lips and through the fingertips. And that’s best.

done in front of a professional who know either professional listeners, their professional priors, and then if they are wise and they have good Christian lenses on, they’re invaluable. But not everybody has the money, the time. They don’t all live in a place like I do where there’s, you know, could hit our throw a rock and hit five counselors right now, just because I’m in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. But

I believe that some people are just put enough to do things on their own and they can set up a ritual of taking an online course where they can take it when they can. And so I thought I am going to build the course I wish I would have had. And so I did. It’s cheap. talk about that later, but I’m letting you know how, what, what seven things we’re touching on today. Right? So let’s, let’s dive in.

The very first thing I talk about is the one that probably hurts the most. And that is losing friends in a divorce. I don’t think I’ve met anybody who hasn’t had a pretty painful story of their loss of friend, friend groups, maybe, maybe your spouse who should be one of your best friends. You lost them. Some people lost their spouse to them cheating with another best friend.

You lost two. You just lose your friend groups. You lose people at church. It’s devastating. And so I talk about how we can ⁓ handle these hurtful shifts in our friendship with grace. How can we set boundaries when the other sides may be picking sides? I talk about rebuilding safe, healthy support systems. And then who to know, you know, how to know who you can trust with your story.

So that’s one module of the course that I think is absolutely critical because it’s a shell shock moment when your friend group is uprooted and the people you need to lean on the most are the people who have literally faded away. It’s super tough. And then two, I want to talk about emotions, how we can navigate our emotional chaos.

understand our emotional responses, even the messy ones. There’s, you know, I used to use the word, um, defense mechanism as a bad word. And my counselor used to tell me like, well, not all defense mechanisms are bad. They’re, they’re there for a reason. Cause our job after analyzing is to find out which ones are healthy, which ones are unhealthy. If you kill the ones that are unhealthy and you feed the ones that are healthy, I work on some of those exercises.

And we create healthy outlets for your grief, your anger, your anxiety, all the things that are going to go on. And they’re up and down. They’re not like you just go through a phase and you move on. Sometimes you revisit a phase a year later. Like it’s just, it’s a very complicated layered event of divorce and life change. And I’m going to help people navigate that. And then of course I move up this one to the front, even though it should be at the end is

Are you ready to date again? Do you have the emotional readiness to date? Can you spot red flags in yourself and in others? How do you know whether you’re really ready to date again? Can you set your own boundaries around sex, faith, your future? ⁓ Date with wisdom instead of fear or anxiety. So we dive really into that ⁓ with some practical tools that you can use and even score yourself on.

And then of course, module four is co-parenting. Not everybody that’s as divorced as a parent, but those who are know how complicated it can be to deal with a parent that you have normally angst for. You may grow out of that over time, but we work on creating consistent parenting rhythms, communicating effectively with that, with as little drama as possible and how you advocate for your child’s emotional health and all your decisions.

And just sometimes you just kind of let go what you can’t control. We talk about that pretty deep. Number five, our module five is rebuilding trust in yourself and in others. You know, after betrayal, trusting again, even in yourself can feel risky. This module helps you restore confidence, recognize healthy people and move forward without fear. Trust your instincts again, spot emotional manipulation.

or codependency, boy, that one’s a big one, and open your heart wisely without shutting it down. We’ll work on building healthy, reciprocal relationships. then module six back to kids, empowering your kids. Forget whether you’re co-parenting or not. Your job as a parent did not end. Our kids are watching, absorbing, and reacting. And this module gives you biblical and practical tools to parent well.

through transition and empower your children emotionally and spiritually. What we’re going to do is learn how to help kids process a divorce in age appropriate ways, keep your home a safe emotional space. And we want to foster resilience and emotional intelligence and encourage your kids faith without forcing it. And lastly, the big one is module seven, embracing your new identity. You are not

your divorce, you are not broken beyond repair. In this final module, you’ll rediscover your God-given identity, purpose, and confident without apology. You’ll learn to let go of shame and labels, see yourself the way God sees you, and design a new life that reflects who you are becoming. You’ll walk forward in faith and not fear. I want you to hear this loud and clear.

Divorce does not get the final word in your story. There is healing. There’s purpose ahead. And even if you can’t yet see it, God’s not done with you. If anything, in today’s episode, it hits home and you’re wondering, OK, what do I do next? Well, I’ve built something that may help. It’s called the Unyoke Divorce Recovery Course. And it’s packed with real faith-rooted tools to walk through the storm and out the other side.

You can learn more, get started by going to ToddTurner.com. No pressure, just the next steps if you’re ready. And hey, if this episode helps you, share it with someone who might need it too. Blessings, and I will see you on the other side.