The unyoked podcast navigating the pain process and possibilities after a christian divorce as christians, we are quick to give advice, and if we don’t, let’s be honest, we can be quick to judge. We also love to see situations as black and white, right or wrong. The problem is, life is much more complex than we often assume or even pretend. Your decision to get a divorce will often attract feedback, assumptions, considerations, and suggestions. Be ready from someone who had to navigate this decision. Trust me, I had feedback of it’s about time. I don’t know how you lasted so long to hey, consider the kids. Don’t do this to why did you agree to that in the divorce? I don’t know your specifics and I don’t know how horrible your spouse treated you, and that’s good. I’m going to offer some general advice that should apply to most all of you. Of course, there’s got to be exceptions. But let’s talk about your heart for a moment. If you’re like me, something happened before your decision to file for a divorce. I personally went from walking over glass to save my marriage to a hard heart in ten short minutes. One of it took me to the straw that broke the camel’s back moment I never understood. In the Bible when it talked about hard hearts. It just made no sense to me.

I couldn’t even fathom what it meant until it happened to me. My heart was hardened and I knew it was time. There’s a thing that counselors look for. Passion. Sometimes love disguises itself as hate. When you are mad, it’s because you love someone and you’re hurt by them. But once a person reaches indifference, the hard heart, that is when it is over. If you’re navigating this hard heart, my goal is to have you walk these next steps in your life with wisdom. If you’re navigating your next steps with emotion and out of pain, you’re not going to like some of the advice I will be suggesting today. One lawyers get one. Ask around. Never on social media. Interview them. You don’t have to choose the first person that you walk into their office. Find someone that connects with you. Listen to what they say about finances. Money is often moved around during divorces. Protect yourself. Consider Christian principled legal advice. Do not navigate a divorce together. Now your spouse and you may say, we can’t afford it. Well, you cannot afford not to. Is that right? Cannot afford not to, that’s right. I’m going to repeat this for those who did not listen to episode 190 percent of most divorces start with the same simple minded statement by both parties. We’re adults. We’re going to be able to divorce without much fighting. What’s his is his, what’s mine is mine. We can do this. Well, let me give you some great advice that your spouse is probably going to hate. Hire a lawyer and have them fight for you, for your kids, and for your future. You aren’t just splitting up tvs and albums from college. This is a way bigger moment than just things. You’re going to get into fights about visitation holidays. You’re going to have to awkwardly navigate your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend picking up dropping off your kids Christmas Eve. Best to put it all in writing and have a professional write down and a judge confirm your agreements. There is debt equity bills, taxes, insurance, college funds, future investments, wills, et cetera. You’re not going to agree on all these. And I promise you you’re going to disagree and you feel like you’re manipulated to think like they do, like their lawyer does. Let your lawyer do the dirty work. I’ve heard it over and over again. I just wanted out and I was too tired to fight and I wish I would have. So for those of you that think this might apply to you, there are good resources from christian firms who help people navigate their separation with grace and unity. Don’t do it yourself. Do it with a trained professional. Wrestling with the details of unyoking is already.